Move Over Dolly
by southerngirl4615
Summary: This is what happens when a bunch of scientist decide to mess with Mother Nature. Now take a bunch of bored friends with nothing better to do but breaking and entering. See what happens. Please R&R.
1. Default Chapter

Move Over Dolly  
  
A/N- I don't own the characters from Lord of the Rings or anything Tolkien. I do not own or have any affiliation with R.A. Bartlett Research Laboratory and Experimental Grounds and I am seriously praying that no one who works there reads this. Anything else you don't recognize I do own. Except for my friends who either belong to themselves or their masters since I sold them off as servants to the rich and powerful. Oh, and before I forget I have a notorious love for run-on sentences and switching between past and present tense so please don't flame me for it. And now without further ado, here's the story.)  
  
Chapter One  
  
They what ?  
  
Our heroes (A.K.A. those who are wanted by local authorities for B & E or just me and my friends) were hiding in the shadows awaiting the perfect moment to spring upon their foes to unravel said foes nefarious plans of world domination. Wait ! That's not quite right. We are waiting in the shadows but not for our foes. They've already gone home for the night. We're waiting for the alarm to their facility to be turned off or to be smashed to smitherines whichever comes first. And our foes, well, they're not exactly world domineering, fascist, communistic dictators either. They're scientist who have the misfortune of working at R.A. Bartlett Research Laboratory and Experimental Grounds (quite a mouthful isn't it). The head scientist who runs the joint claims they only experiment on plant life but we think differently. Have you ever seen a research facility only experiment on plants ? I didn't think so. So, since it was a Saturday night and seeing as we have no life we decided to give the place a private tour. Some people call it breaking in; we call it an unguided tour with stops at all of the restricted areas. On this tour we plan on liberating any plants (cough) animals (cough) that happen to be in any cages. Yes, we are animal activists. Animal activists who are devout devourers of meat. Chickens, cows, and pigs are evil. We have the scars to prove it. Anyway back to our unguided tour.  
  
Matt looked at me strangely before asking ",You okay there, Jess ?"  
  
"Yes, just wondering what we're going to do if they have any rabid animals in there. I mean, what if those geeks are infecting things with rabies so they can turn them loose on us and kill us all off painfully so they can rule the world ?"  
  
"Trust me. There are no rabid animals in there."  
  
"But what if ? What if there's a rabid alligator in there ? You know I hate gators."  
  
Matt sighed. "We'll leave any rabid gators in their cages."  
  
I watched as Matt continued to look at the large white building. Then I looked to his radio. Then I looked back up at Matt. "Ummm, shouldn't you tell the others ?"  
  
"Fine." Matt pushed the button the radio and growled ",Jess has requested that we leave all rabid alligators in their cages."  
  
I furrowed my brow in thought before I looked back at Matt, asking ",What about rabid baboons ?"  
  
"Jesus Christ ! We're too leave any rabid animals in their cages."  
  
"Shouldn't you tell them what a rabid animal looks like ?"  
  
Matt pushed the button again ",A rabid animal has a foamy mouth like it just swallowed an Alka-Seltzer. And if I find out who gave Jess sugar I am going to hurt them."  
  
The radio crackeled to life as a bored voice came through the small speaker ",Sorry. I thought you wanted to have some fun."  
  
"Figures it was Chris. You two are not allowed to hang out with each other anymore," Matt yelled down to me, which was only six inches and caused my ears to ring.  
  
The radio snapped, crackled and popped again but this time it was Faron ",Incase you guys were wondering I took care of the alarm. You can meet me at the front door."  
  
Matt and I quickly ran across the street to the front doors of the huge building. Which took us like five minutes because Brilliant Matt had to hide across the street which was like a long way away from the laboratory. I doubled over trying to catch my breath while Matt, Faron, Chris, Billy, and Libby were trying to figure out how to get in the front door. In other words they were trying to figure out how to pick a lock since none of them knew how. I was just concentrating on breathing when I found our ticket in. I threw the large rock in between Libby and Matt's heads causing them to fall out of the line of fire of anymore objects. The rock hit exactly where I wanted it to and the plate glass door shattered from the force. Everyone just looked at me. I shrugged in return ",Improvise I always say. Shall we enter."  
  
Once inside Matt decided to divide us up into teams. "Okay, Faron and Libby go right. Billy and Chris go left. Me and Jess will go straight. Now lets go and meet back here in ten minutes."  
  
Billy and Libby went to the right. Chris and I went left. Faron began to follow Matt straight. Matt quickly noticed this and stopped dead in his tracks. "Do none of you people plan on listening to me ?"  
  
"No," we all answered back before walking off in different directions.  
  
Chris and I were walking down our narrow hallway completely ignoring the doors that we were passing. "Why did you decide to come with me, Chris."  
  
"Oh, well, you're sugar high. And when you're sugar high you tend to get yourself into insane amounts of trouble. I thought it would be fun to watch."  
  
Chris Parker sarcastic wit, how I hate it. I clamped my mouth shut before I could say something just as sarcastic back. Actually, I didn't do that. A door with a dim light coming through its window caught my short attention span. "Oooohhhhh, lets see what's in there."  
  
"And hopefully humourous trouble for you can be found on the other side."  
  
Faron and Matt's adventure  
  
So, Faron and I'm just walking and walking until a door with a bright orange light shining through the window caught our attention. Faron looked at the sign on the door and read it out loud ",Dark side. Ha ! I wonder if Darth Vader is inside. Can we turn him loose if he is ?"  
  
I swung the door open while glancing over my shoulder at Faron ",No." Faron's eyes grew as large as saucers. He was staring over my head at something. "Dude, what's up with you. Is there a beautiful chick in there or something ?"  
  
I turned around and my eyes nearly popped out of their sockets. Floating there in the middle of the lab was a giant flaming eye. It immediately set its pupil upon us and a voice was heard thundering in the room ",I see yooooouuuuuuuuuuu."  
  
"And we see you, too," Faron managed to get out as he began to laugh.  
  
"Attackkkkkkkkkkkk," the flaming eye hissed.  
  
It was about then that the two of us noticed these muddy looking pods that were moving. All laughter ceased shortly thereafter. The first pod cracked and broke open as a fist had punched through it.  
  
"Uhmmm, Faron, I'm having horror movie flashbacks. I don't want to stick around to see what pops out."  
  
"I second that. RUN AWAY !!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Faron had already taken off down the hallway towards the main enterance by the time I could get my legs to work again.  
  
Billy and Libby  
  
"I'm bored, Billy. Lets go home and make out."  
  
"That's fine with me."  
  
So Billy and I went home to make out without telling anyone that we were leaving.  
  
Chris and Jess  
  
I swung the door open with a loud bang and ran in to inspect the faint light. I ran in, slipped on something, and slid (ungracefully) to a halt in front of.... "Monkey brains," I screamed, struggeling to get up but falling back down again.  
  
"Dude, cover your package up," Chris gagged out while covering his eyes.  
  
"Get it away ! Get it away ! Its like a millimeter away from my face !"  
  
Chris threw a lab coat at the guy who just stood there staring at us. He called something in gibberish over his shoulder and soon seven more naked people appeared in front of us. I managed to stand up and hid behind Chris who was busy throwing lab coats in the general direction of the people while covering his eyes. The three naked men, midget, and four kids began to talk some more gibberish while staring at the white coats in fascination. Chris rolled his eyes as he looked over his shoulder at me ",Why do I have to do everything ?"  
  
Chris walked over and showed them how to put the coats on. Once they were covered I opened my eyes and looked at them. "So this is what they were doing ? Experimenting on people. How sick. Those two look normal except for being way too tall like the blonde one. Maybe they were trying to make basketball players with them. The blonde one has pointy ears and his hair is way too perfect. Maybe a supermodel with him. The one short guy is way too hairy. And those four kids have feet that are too big and pointy ears."  
  
"Thank you Miss Obvious," Chris stated in, what else, sarcasm.  
  
About that time Matt and Faron came barging into the room screaming their bloody heads off. They closed the door and bolted it shut while panting. "We've gotta get outta here. Giant visene desperate eyes and pod people. We gotta bolt. Like now....hey ! Who're they ?"  
  
"Human experiments," I explained to my two best friends.   
  
"I'll go open a window for us to get outta here," Faron called, running to the back of the lab. "I found one. Come on !"  
  
We pushed the eight people to the back of the lab where an open window awaited us but no Faron. Faron popped his head up on the other side of the window looking completely terrified. "Come on. The pod people are almost at the door."  
  
As if on cue the door splintered open from some unseen force since we couldn't see it as we were in the back of the lab trying to get out of the window. The eleven of us made it outside just in time and ran like our lives depended on it. 


	2. Yes, my brother speaks Elvish

(A/N- I just read my note on the first chapter and I'm sorry that I sounded so rude. Please read and review. And this idea came about because of a plot bunny knawing at my brain.)  
  
Disclaimer- I do not own anything associated with Tolkien. I do not own or am associated with the research facility in question. If anyone who works there reads this please don't sue. I only own....well, I own nothing of any value. My friends belong to themselves or the slave master that I sold them to. I plan on using the money from their sale to try to conquer the world. Mwhahahaha...erm, sorry. Now on with chapter two.  
  
Chapter deux  
  
Yes, my brother speaks elvish  
  
We were running like the hounds of hell themselves were after us. Well, they kind of were the hounds of hell except they weren't furry. And they didn't have a tail. And they didn't run on all fours. They were big, scary, and loud. But, the point is that they were scary alright. The lot of us finally made it to our respective cars and drove like our lives depended on it. Which it did. Once we were sure that it was somewhat safe we pulled into an empty parking lot and got out to hold a powwow to figure out what to do with the "experiments". "I say we drop them off at the police station. Let them figure it all out," Matt exclaimed with a little too much emotion.  
  
"Sure. The police will figure it all out by sticking these guys in the looney bin," Chris replied sarcastically. I'm surprised his sarcasm remained intact considering we just had a near death experience. Or a nearly caught experience.  
  
"Why don't we take them home until we can figure out where they actually belong," Faron suggested.  
  
I looked at the three while saying ",They came from a test tube. HELLO ! They kinda don't belong anywhere."  
  
"Soooooo, who're they stayin' with," Faron asked.  
  
Everyone looked at me. I was too busy lighting a cigarette to notice. When I did look up I began to protest ",Oh, no. Not no but hell no. There's no way in hell they can stay with me. You guys know how Toby gets when strangers are around. Ask Chris. He still has the teeth marks on his legs as proof."  
  
"But, Toby is the least of our problems if we get caught with them." Matt was doing his best to convince me. "We all have relatively normal roommates. And we have a continuous flow of people in and out of our apartment. And these guys don't even speak english."  
  
"Hello, Matt," I interrupted ",we don't even speak english half the time."  
  
Faron took this moment to step in front of me, blocking everyone else out of my sight, and looked deep into my eyes. Calm down heartbeat. "Listen, you're place would be the last place anyone would look for these guys."  
  
Icy facade back into place. Pretend to be indifferent to Faron. Yes, pretend you don't care at all. "Oh, and eight guys stayin' at my place wouldn't be a little odd ?"  
  
"No," they all chorused.  
  
"Jeez, don't make me sound like a whore or anythin'. Fine. They can stay with me but the first time they upset Toby they are so gone."  
  
I fitted the key into the deadbolt on my house but I didn't need it since the door was flung open taking me with it. Toby grabbed me in a death bear hug and was crying hysterically. Toby is my twin brother but he's autistic. He has the mentality of an eight year old (so the doctor's say) but he's a whiz with foreign languages, real or fictional. I say fictional because he can speak any scifi language out there. Klingon, martian, cartoon. I know, cartoon isn't a scifi language but to me it is. That's just the way he communicates. I had to read Klingon for Dummies just to talk to him for a week then after that it was Romulan.  
  
Since our parents died I was the one who decided to take care of him since our older sister didn't want to. I kept our parent's home and I took care of Toby because that's just what I want to do. You'd have to have a twin to understand it. Or a younger sibling.   
  
I managed to pull myself away from Toby so that he could look at my face to know that everything was alright. "I'm alright, Toby. No reason to worry."  
  
"Police came. Said you did something bad again. I told 'em to go away." Toby wiped his face with the sleeve of my shirt and then looked over my shoulder. Damn ! I had completely forgotten about those guys. "Where'd you find Legolas ? An' Aragorn ? An' Boromir ? An' hobbits ?"  
  
"What're you talkin' about Toby ? These are just some of my friends."  
  
"No, they're the fellowship."  
  
At that moment the tall blonde one decided he was going to talk and completely blow my cover story to smitherines. Toby cocked his head to the side for a moment before answering. The tall blonde's face lit up and soon all of them were talking with Toby. The "experiments" pushed past me to join Toby in the living room. "Jeez, an excuse me would do just fine. Thank you."  
  
I bolted up the door again as Toby began to translate everything that they said. "They have questions for you, Jess. They want to know where they are and why those people kept them locked up. And what year is it ? And if Sauron was defeated ? Oh, and thanks for rescuing them."  
  
"Tell them they are in Charlotte, North Carolina. It's 2004. And I have no idea who Sauron is."  
  
Toby translated quickly and then a whole new barrage of gibberish came from the "experiments". Toby looked back up to me ",They say Sauron is an evil, all seeing eye. And they would like to know who you are. I've already told them who I was even though you said never talk to strangers but I figured since they were in our house they weren't strangers. They aren't strangers are they, Jess ?"  
  
"I guess not. You can tell them who I am. And that I don't think Sauron is defeated quite yet."  
  
A few more seconds of feeling completely left out and Toby waved for me to sit next to him. "They say they are happy you came along. Now that they're free they can finally defeat Sauron."  
  
"How do you know what they are saying, Toby ?"  
  
"Its Elvish and Westron. Tolkien languages. They say you should learn to speak it since they need to communicate with you."  
  
"Great one of the many languages I haven't learned yet. You tell them that they need to learn english since everyone in the world can't learn their languages. I will be more than happy to teach it to them. I'm going to bed. You should already be in bed. Come on, Toby."  
  
"No," Toby shouted before calming down a little. "Please, just let me show them where to sleep and get them some clothes. You still have to take a shower to take off that facepaint. I'll be in bed before you get out."  
  
I ran a finger over my face and looked at it to see the camo paint Matt had forced us to put on earlier. I sighed. I was very tired. I had a long day of manual labor ahead of me tomorrow. Plus, I needed to teach these guys some basic english phrases to at least get by with. "Fine. But, you better be in bed before I get out of the shower. Then I can read to you before I have to go to bed."  
  
Toby's face lit up in a perfect smile which I returned before going to take a much needed shower.  
  
I had showered and dressed in my pjs noticing the whole entire time that the house was too quiet. I left my bedroom and opened the door to Toby's room which was down the hall from mine. Inside I saw Toby fast asleep in his bed with the tall blonde guy sitting on the edge singing in his language. He looked over at me and smiled before standing. He looked down at Toby one more time before brushing past me to step into the hall. I shut the door and looked up at the guy. He pointed to himself and whispered ",Legolas."  
  
He then pointed to me and said ",Jess. Good night."  
  
"Good night, Legolas."  
  
I went off to bed to dream about fairy godmothers granting my wish to hit the lottery with not even an inkling of a clue as to all of the trouble I would find when I woke up.  
  
A/N 2- Sorry this chapter is not very funny. It will be funny very soon. I just felt the need to introduce Toby in a non-humerous way. And remember, please read and review. I will give out a date to the fellowship member of your choice if you do. 


	3. They're coming to take us awayHA HA !

(A/N- Wow ! Three chapters in one day. I think I must be sick or something. Oh, and for all of you out there who were reading No Place Like Home I think I will be updating either today or tomorrow. Remember to please read and review and you'll get a date with the fellowship member of your choice. A special thanks to Lea for being my first reviewer.)  
  
Disclaimer- I own nothing. If I did I wouldn't work in retail to pay my bills.  
  
Chapter Three  
  
They're coming to take us away-HA HA!  
  
I awoke feeling quite cramped and claustrophobic. I couldn't move. I reached on my left side to feel one curly head then two curly heads. On my right I also felt two curly heads. My TV was on full blast and I knew that Toby also had to be in the room. I opened my eyes to see that I was surrounded by hobbits on either side of me and Toby was at the foot of my bed, all of them watching Codename: KND. "Okay, you guys need to move. I have to get dressed for work now."  
  
The four hobbits all looked up at me totally clueless until Toby translated. They smiled and quickly moved out of my way as I stood up. I looked down at all of them to see my bedroom completely trashed. There was quite possibly the contents of the whole kitchen in there. Toby eyed me inncently as I sighed. "This had better be cleaned up by the time I get home."  
  
I left the bedroom and walked into the bathroom. There in my private sanctuary were the other four. Legolas turned to look at me and I screamed my head off. He was wearing a green face mask. He quickly moved to wash it off. The dwarf, who I had figured out was Gimli, was using my toothbrush. I shuddered at that. Aragorn was in my shower actually taking a shower. And Boromir had found what could only be described as the most embarrassing items in my bathroom. He was sitting on the toilet seat (no, he wasn't going to the bathroom) staring at a condom in one hand and a tampon in the other. I could feel my face going several shades of red. "Out ! Out ! OUT !!! Now."  
  
The four quickly retreated out of the room not needing a translation for my screaming. As Boromir passed by me on his way out I yanked my personal items away from him. They joined Toby and the hobbits on the bed to watch TV. "Toby, there's a tv in the living room."  
  
"But I always watch my cartoons in your room."  
  
"I know but we don't always have other people staying here. Now, go to the living room and watch 'toons in there. When I get out we need to have a talk about personal space and privacy."  
  
I shut the door to the bathroom and began to get dressed for work.  
  
Twenty minutes later I emerged starting to somewhat get out of my foul mood. I made my way down the hall and down the stairs to the kitchen where the four older members of the Fellowship were eating what looked to be the remnants of the pantry. I knew this because Gimli had a can of sardines. The other three were splitting a jar of roasted peppers. "House meeting," I yelled over my shoulder. Soon the rest of the house had joined us in the kitchen. "Alright, Toby, we need to set some rules. First, no one uses my bathroom. Its my personal space and the one place that I can get away from everyone. Second, no one goes into my things. This includes all things in my bathroom, my bedroom, and my office."  
  
Toby looked confused ",You don't have an office."  
  
"Fine," I sighed as the others just stared at me without a clue. "The place where my computer is. They are allowed to use the computer but only when I'm here. My car is also off limits unless I'm driving. The last thing I need is to end up in jail because one of them hit something or somebody with my car. No one answers the door except for you, Toby, and only for people you know except for Susan. We don't need our sister asking all kinds of questions about these guys because you'll only tell her the truth."  
  
"But, Mom and Da always told me to tell the truth," Toby said with a frown.  
  
"I know. But I'm not telling you to lie to Susan. I'm just telling you not to let her in and if she does get in don't tell her anything. See, now that's not lying. Now, I've got to go to work."  
  
I left the house completely oblivious that my day was going to go completly down hill in about two hours and counting.  
  
I picked up Matt and ended up being ten minutes late because of him and his preening. When I pulled into the parking lot for the animal rescue shelter Faron and Chris were already there waiting for us. I opened up the front doors and we went to our respective tasks. Unfortunately for Matt and me, we were in charge of cleaning the dog yards. That's a great job (sarcasm completely implied). Once that was done we sat around waiting for the onslaught of people to begin filing in to see every one of our dogs and cats.   
  
Two hours later....  
  
Matt and I were still sitting around waiting for people to come in. My radio popped to life and Chris' voice came over the speaker ",Does anyone find it a little strange that no one has come in ?"  
  
"We're going into the main building to find out what's going on," I answered back.  
  
We walked up to the main building to find that Faron wasn't behind the counter answering the phones or greeting people. I looked out of the front doors to see exactly what our problem was. In the parking lot were about twenty police cars with lights flashing and cops with guns drawn. "Come out with your hands up."  
  
Matt and I walked out only to have the cops bark another order ",Turn around and walk towards me backwards until I tell you to stop." We did as he said and about halfway there he yelled at us again ",Get on your stomachs with your arms out at your sides."  
  
"He didn't say Simon says," I mumbled as we did exactly as he said. Didn't want to get shot or anything.  
  
We were put in handcuffs and jerked up to our feet as Chris was hauled around the corner by two other officers. He was also in handcuffs. Faron was already in the back of a squad car. "Jessica Renyolds, Matthew Ericson, and Christian Parker you are under arrest for breaking and entering. You have the right to remain silent. Anything...oh, why am I bothering you already know this by heart."  
  
So, we were taken to the police station where we were soon joined by Billy and Libby. The cops did the same thing they always did. We were put into seperate interrogation rooms and questioned for several hours. I fed them the same lines I always do just like my friends did. "Breaking and entering I have never done that. A lab ? I don't even know of any labs around here. Stolen animals ? Did you really find any stolen animals at the shelter ? Those are the same animals that we've had for the last year. And what kind of animals were stolen ? Who would steal animals from a lab. I mean, they could be infected with something. EWWWWWW ! Can I have a coke ?"  
  
That was the only thing I said for the entire time I was in custody. I met up with the others in the station parking lot. I stared at Billy and Libby for a moment before blurting ",I thought you two were dead. Killed ! Maimed and murdered by those things."  
  
"What things," Billy asked as we all began to walk home.  
  
"The things at the lab," Matt whispered ",the evil, cloned things."  
  
Billy burst into laughter as I interrupted ",Oh, found out who those guys are."  
  
"WHO," Chris, Faron and Matt yelled.  
  
"Toby said they are the Fellowship. He understands them. Says they speak Tolkien languages. I think they were somehow cloned. Yet, I have no idea how you can clone fictional characters."  
  
I stopped when I realized no one was standing next to me. I turned to see all of my friends just staring at me with their mouths practically on the ground. "What ?"  
  
No one said anything.  
  
(A/N- I don't know if anyone got the reference to the Monkey Brains. But it doesn't literally mean "monkey brains". It refers to a certain part of a guy's package. I got the name from an old friend who use to call that body part that.)  
  
Next time- The Fellowship Learns English  
  
Good thing the fellowship guys are smart or else it might take years to teach them english. So, they learn english. Chris get his nose broken when it meets a certain fist. And Susan makes a surprise visit. 


	4. The Fellowship Learns English

(A/N- I'm starting to feel kind of discouraged here since no one is reading my story. Or maybe they're reading it but not leaving a review. Criticize me, flame me, praise me, I don't care just review.)

Lady of Rivendale78- Thanks for the review. Oh, and there will definitely be more of the fellowship coming up later. Just be patient.

Chapter 4- The Fellowship Learns English  
  
"What," I asked as my friends just continued to stare at me in disbelief. I walked over to them and waved my hand in each of their faces ",Helloooooo, earth to people, it was a big news flash but not end of the world big. Come on, snap out of it."  
  
Chris was the first one to come back to himself. He started laughing ",I can't believe its a ret..."  
  
Before he could finish his nose met my fist. Chris clutched his broken, bleeding nose protectively as I smiled menacingly at him. "Don't you ever use that word about my brother ever again. He's autistic which means he's smarter than you. Just because he acts like a child doesn't mean that he's a...oh, forget it. You're an asshole, Chris."  
  
Billy looked at me then to Chris ",Come on, Chris, we need to get you to a hospital. Come on, Libby."  
  
With those three gone it was only Faron, Matt, and me. I looked to them with a sigh ",I have to go get some food. My guests ate everything in the house. Even that ancient jar of peppers."  
  
So after walking forever to get out cars and three hours of grocery shopping that wiped out my entire checking account the three of us made it back to my house. Toby and the Fellowship had gathered in the living room and were rotting their brains with the TV when we walked through. Aragorn and Boromir were the first to their feet to help us with our bags. Legolas looked down at me with a smile ",You were gone a long time, Jess."  
  
"Yeah, got arrested. Then had to walk back to my car and go get food." I stopped mid-step and dropped my bags. "Holy shit ! You spoke a full sentence."  
  
"A wonderful thing that computer is," Aragorn chimed in ",taught us quite a bit in the time you were gone."  
  
This was impossible. How could they learn English that fast ? I looked over at Toby who continued to stare at the television. "Toby ? Tobster ? Did you teach them how to use the language program ?"  
  
There was no response. Frodo was quickly to his feet to explain. "He showed us the program and then came back in here. When we were certain that we had learned enough we came back in here and he was like this. He has not moved at all."  
  
Great ! Toby has zoned again. I wonder how long it will last this time. Pippin walked over to the TV but I yelled ",Don't touch it. Toby will get very upset if you do. He could hurt you."  
  
I let everyone take the things to the kitchen where they began to put everything away. I sat next to Toby and leaned my head against his shoulder. He didn't respond. I sighed. This was the fifth time this month that he had went off into his own little world. It could last anywhere from a few hours to a few years depending on when he wanted to come out of it.  
  
"Don't worry, Toby. I'll be here when you get back."  
  
"Jess," Faron yelled. "We've got a problem."  
  
"What ?"  
  
"A great big, floating, white ball in your kitchen. And its getting bigger."  
  
Well now, this couldn't be good at all. Just as I could see the light from the kitchen that was chasing everyone out of the room there was a knock on the door. I ran to the front door to get rid of whoever it was as fast as I could. I opened it up only to be greeted by the face of Susan, our sister. "Let me in, Jess. I don't have much time and I just came to check on you and Toby."  
  
"You mean be nosy and spy so that you can have Toby sent to a home."  
  
"No. Now let me in."  
  
I looked over my shoulder. Everyone was in the room now with the glowing orb slowly floating into the room and getting larger by the second. I turned back to Susan ",Now is not a good time. Come back later. Much later. As in never. Bye-bye now."  
  
I started to close the door but she stuck her foot in the crack ",Let me in now, Jess."  
  
"No ! Now go away. We're busy and can't have you interruptin' us."  
  
Susan was starting to push the door open even farther. I was putting my entire weight against the door but she was still forcing it open. When the hell did she get so strong ? The light pulsed two times before exploding and enveloping the occupants of the living room, which would include me also, before disappearing. Everything went black. There was a sensation of falling. I couldn't hear Susan anymore which was a good thing. Ooooohhh, lookie, there's a speck of light up ahead. I wonder if that could be a good thing. Nah, probably not.  
  
Back at Jess' house....  
  
Susan shoved the front door completely open leaving a hole in the wall from how hard she pushed. The entire room was empty. Susan checked every inch of the house only to find no one there. Not even the cat that Toby kept hidden in his room. Susan shrugged like this was no big deal and left the house not even bothering to lock the door.  
  
At the lab....  
  
The lab assistants watched in fascination as a black hole formed in the dark side lab. It began sucking everything into it. Namely, the ugly things they had created at the fiery eye's request. The eye was the next thing to go along with all of the weapons that had been made. Then with a scream the black hole closed leaving the lab assistants scratching their heads in confusion.  
  
In a dark alley in town....  
  
The hole had opened up in front of the cloned creatures and they didn't even run in fear. Nor did they question where it had come from. They knew already. All of them jumped in and it closed with the sound of a cow fading in the distance.  
  
Chapter 5- Fools of the Fellowship  
  
Everything's created for a reason. Is the speck of light good or bad ? Where did they get orbed to ? And who's responsible for it ? Oh, and something happens to Toby along the way. 


	5. Fools of the Fellowship

A/N- Many thanks to Lea for reviewing and giving an angry glare to non-reviewers. Lets see if it works. Oh, and sorry if the chapters are short because I usually write this off of the top of my head. Now on with the story.

Disclaimer- see previous chapters because I have nothing humorous to put here.

Fools of the Fellowship  
  
Bright light getting bigger now. Getting a headache from all of the screaming. Wow, would you look at that. The ground is coming up pretty fast. I landed on my back in a big heap of arms, legs and torsos. I opened my eyes to see the hobbits and Toby on top of me and on top of them was the cat that I knew Toby had been hiding in his room. The damn thing was curled up on top of one of the hobbits sleeping its life away. I heard someone rustling up to us in a hurried manner or an angry manner since the person was stomping.  
  
"Fools of a fellowship. You could not even make it out of Rivendale alive. I have had to wait for two weeks to summon you here. Now everyone up. UP I say."  
  
We managed to untangle ourselves and stand to where the wizard could see us. I risked a glance over at Toby to see if he was alright. He looked down at me and smiled brightly. "Hello, Jess, I think we should have a talk when Gandalf is done yelling at us."  
  
Something about Toby was different. He was no longer zoned. His eyes held a light in them that I had never seen before. I turned my attention from him when I realized that I had a very angry wizard only inches from my face. Knowing he was there still didn't keep me from jumping slightly. "Hmmmm, what is this now ? I do not remember summoning a girl or her twin here. For that matter I only remember summoning eight and here stands twelve. What is your name and tell me how you came to be here."  
  
"My name is Jessica or Jess if you wanna call me that. We broke these guys out of a lab and they were staying at my house. Lets just say that your summoning spell got a little out of hand."  
  
The wizard nodded for a second before resting his eyes on Toby. "Hello, Gandalf. Nice to finally meet you."  
  
"I see," was all that Gandalf could say as he smiled slightly at Toby which I guess we were to take as a good thing. "Now on to the matters at hand. We still have to attend the Council of Elrond. As luck would have it no one knows of your demise. Come along. We have not got all day. You still need to be dressed. I will assume that since you and your friends are here Lady Jessica that you will be attending the Council also so the four of you will need suitable clothing."  
  
"Does that mean a dress ?"  
  
"Yes it does."  
  
"Okay, well, see...I don't do the girly-girl thing. So if its all the same with you I'll wear what the guys wear. Or I can wear what I have on now."  
  
"I do not care what you wear, Lady Jessica. But I am sure that Lord Elrond and the other Lords in attendance will. Until we have decided what your role in this journey is you will dress as the other ladies dress. Now come along."  
  
I stuck my tongue out at the retreating figure of Gandalf as the others began to follow him. I was determined to stand my ground until the Council of Elrond. See, if I just stand here then I don't have to wear a dress and then they would have no choice but to let me go in what I was wearing. Very smart I am, aren't I ? Well, at least I thought I was until Boromir came up behind me and threw me over his shoulder.  
  
"We cannot afford any delays, Lady Jessica. Just tolerate the dress for a few hours or days and then you may be on your way."  
  
"Put me down, Boromir. I can hurt you if I want to."  
  
"I am most certain that you could. But you will not."  
  
I sighed in frustration ",You're so right. I doubt you would even feel it. Tell me, do you feel this ?"  
  
I gripped his ear tightly and pulled for all I was worth. For all of my determination I was greeted with a yelp of pain before being dropped to the ground. I couldn't believe that he'd dropped me on the ground. I quickly stood up and brushed myself off before giving Boromir the death glare. That's when I realized that everyone had stopped to stare at us. I think I turned five shades of red before I recovered myself by walking up to Gandalf. He continued walking briskly while I was jogging to keep up. "So tell me, Gandalf, what exactly did you mean by they couldn't even make it out of Rivendale ?"  
  
"Some of them could not even make it into Rivendale. Gimli found a small cavern to explore and it caved in on him. Boromir was attacked by orcs on the borders. Legolas fell out of a tree. What is it that you find so funny ?"  
  
"Erm...sorry. Its just that Legolas fell out of a tree. He's a wood elf isn't he ? Which would mean that he was use to being up in trees. I just think its funny that he fell out of one."  
  
The old wizard grumbled something under his breath before continuing ",Aragorn drowned while bathing. Sam and Frodo had been walking, not paying attention to where they were going, and fell off of a waterfall. Merry and Pippin were shot with arrows by two elf lords who had discovered them with their daughters."  
  
"That is sooooo going against nature. I didn't even think that was possible. You know what ? Not even going to think about it anymore since its making me kind of sick."  
  
We had stopped in front of a door. Gandalf looked at me ",You and Toby may dress in here. I have already arranged clothing for you. Please hurry. We cannot afford any delays."  
  
"How did you know my brother's name ? And how'd you know to get clothes for us ?"  
  
"I am Istari, child. I know all and I have certain powers the likes of which you could never understand."  
  
"Oh ! That explains a lot. Going now."  
  
Toby and I entered the room where our clothes had already been laid out for us. I picked up the dress and made the most disgusted face I could possibly muster without bursting into manic laughter. Toby had already gathered his clothes and was hidden behind a screen where he was getting dressed.  
  
"Come on, Jessica. I do not want to miss the council."  
  
"What is so great about it ? All it will be is a whole bunch of people arguing over the ring. Why am I not using any slang ? Why am I talking proper English ?"  
  
"That would be because of Gandalf. We cannot exactly have you walking around talking the way you usually do now can we ?"  
  
"What is going on with you, Toby ?"  
  
"You can also thank Gandalf for that. I can now function fully. I am no longer autistic though I still retain all of the languages that I have learned."  
  
Toby came out from behind the screen to find me staring at him with my mouth open. He walked over and gently closed it. "There are many things to see and do here. One of which is to help in saving Middle Earth whether you would like to or not. I have a feeling that we have a purpose here that we will only know once our adventure begins."  
  
"I have missed you, Toby. You do not know how many times I have dreamed about this."  
  
"No tears now. Go and dress. We cannot keep the others waiting."  
  
Next Time-The Council of Elrond and Setting out for Mordor  
  
The Council of Elrond in which Jess, Faron and Matt pay absolutely no attention until they are chosen for a special job. I bet you can already guess what it is. Now how exactly are those three going to help save Middle Earth when what they do best is run away ? You'll just have to keep tuning in to find out. I'll start working on making my chapters longer. 


	6. The Council of Elrond

A/N- Continuous thanks go out to Lea for being one of my regular reviewers for this story. I'm faxing over the Fellowship right now though I'm having a bit of trouble since they don't like to be squeezed into the contraption. Just fax back the ones you don't want.

The Council of Elrond and Setting out For Mordor

Itchy, stupid, god-awful dresses. I don't care what men think or that other girls like these things. They look stupid. How can you kick butt in something that drags the ground ? Give me my jeans and t-shirts any day. Gah, I think I'm going to die from lack of air. "Stop fidgeting. And stop scratching," Gandalf barked at me.

"I can not help it," I whined as I followed him, Toby, Matt and Faron in the direction of where the council was to be held.

"You can help it. Now act like a lady of status is to act or I shall knock you upside your head."

We entered the area to see that seats had already been made available to us. Toby, Faron, Matt and I sat in our four seats while Gandalf, Frodo, and another hobbit named Bilbo sat beside Elrond. The sitting didn't make my predicament any better. In fact, it made the itching worse. I also found that I could only concentrate on the fact that I couldn't take deep breaths. Must find something else to focus on. Oh, there's Aragorn. Maybe I can make his head explode if I think hard enough. So, I continued to look at Aragorn as Aragorn looked at Elrond while he was speaking. Elrond was looking at Boromir who was looking at Frodo who was looking at Bilbo who was looking at Gandalf who was looking at Toby who was looking at Legolas who was looking at Gimli who was looking at Faron who was looking at Matt who was looking up at the sky. Legolas then shifted his eyes to look at me but I was now looking at the stone tiled porch that was looking at...well, nothing seeing as its inanimate and has no eyes and can't see anything.

Elrond just kept going on and on about the south and mountains and shadows. It was all quite boring. I was still having trouble staying still when a dwarf named Gloin began to tell of his people and the trouble they were having. I didn't really focus on that only catching a few words here and there. You would think that I'd drank a whole pot of coffee or something. There goes Gloin again talking about a place named Moria and how they woke someone up there. How rude ! You should let a sleeping person sleep. Now, Elrond is going on about a ring. Is that what all of this fuss is about ? A stupid ring ! Jeez, just go to Brownlee and buy a new one for this Sauron guy.

I continued to let my eyes wander around the fair grounds beyond the porch much to Gandalf's disapproval. He didn't say anything but I could see his glare every once in awhile. I looked to a moving bush only to see one very curly hobbit head that was attatched to one chubby hobbit body. It was Sam and he was spying on us. Poor guy. They should've just invited him. I looked beyond Elrond to see two more hobbits doing a very excellent job of hiding. It was Pippin and Merry. Hobbits should learn that curiosity is not the best trait to have. It usually leads to trouble.

"He is Aragorn son of Arathorn and he is descended through many fathers from Isildur Elendil's son of Minas Ithil. He is the Chief of the Dunedain in the North, and few are now left of that folk," I heard Elrond speak to Boromir.

I drew my focus back then to see both Boromir and Aragorn now standing. I was still confused. Was Aragorn important or something ? I knew he was the man of too many titles but what else is there. I knew I should've paid more attention in english class. Now Gandalf is calling for Frodo to bring out the ring. When did Frodo get the ring ? Why are all of these guys acting like they're not clones ? They're acting like they've been here the whole entire time. I guess Gandalf had something to do with that too. Now Gandalf is talking. Oh, look elves. I focused my attention on the elves near me only hearing ",Blah, blah, Gollum, blah, Gondor, blah, blah, blah, Isildur, blah, blah, ring, blah, blah, blah....."

"It would serve you well to listen, sister," Toby whispered while poking me in the ribs.

"But...elves. Nice elves with pretty hair and pointy ears. How do they get their hair to do that ?"

Arg, dark skies, the wizard's voice is deafening. I put my fingers in my ears to stop the pain but it didn't help. I saw that all of the elves were doing the same. Finally, Gandalf stopped speaking those painful words and the headache stopped as soon as it had begun. Now Legolas was talking about how this Gollum thing escaped as a horde of orcs attacked them. There was more talking as I found myself falling asleep from the heat of the sun beating down on my back and the lack of oxygen to my brain. But a small voice calling out over the louder voices of the other members of the council drew my eyes back open. I focused on Frodo as he repeated himself ",I will take the ring. Though I do not know the way."

I looked up to Gandalf. Was that a look of disappointment on his face ? No, it had to be sadness. He didn't think that Frodo would take the ring. That the young hobbit, being a hobbit and all, would allow someone bigger than him to do it. My gaze then turned forcefully to Elrond who was giving Frodo a most curious look. He went on to tell Frodo that this task was his alone. And something about this was the time of the Shire-folk. Well, I guess he's right. After all who would expect a little person to have something of great importance ? I was really starting to feel faint now. Damn, dresses. When I somewhat recovered myself I looked up only to see Sam run out to Frodo. I didn't hear what they said. Then Merry and Pippin soon joined the fray. My hearing soon decided to join the party after Legolas, Aragorn, Gimli and Boromir had all had their say. Yep, it came back just in time for me to hear Toby say ",My sister and I along with our companions would lay down our lives for you, Frodo Baggins."

"What," I yelled, jumping to my feet a little too fast.

"We will go on this quest with you and protect you in the ways that we can," Toby continued like he hadn't hurt me.

I looked over to the others while mumbling under my breath ",If running away is any help at all."

Thus ended the Council of Elrond.

Later that night...

"What in the name of that which cannot be named were you thinking, Toby ? In my head that sounded a lot shorter. I really need to talk to Gandalf about this. It is taking me much to long to say anything," I rambled.

Toby looked at me in his new way and all anger instantly faded. My brother was back and I couldn't stay mad at him. Toby just shrugged his shoulders at me ",We are here for a reason. I assumed that the quest to destroy the ring would be it."

"So you just decided for all of us that we would be going," Matt yelled.

The door to my chamber, which we were currently in, opened. Legolas soon stepped in. "I do not mean to intrude. I knocked but do not think it was heard over all of the shouting."

I blushed furiously at that. Stupid elves. "Yes, Legolas ?"

"'Tis time for the evening meal, Lady Jessica. I was sent to escort you and your friends."

He bowed deeply to us and my anger flew right out of the window. Damn, I just lost the war. We followed Legolas out of the room. "Are we late," I asked, slightly embarrassed.

"No, but there is much talk of you today, Lady Jessica. Many of Lord Elrond's advisors are saying that you should not go with us."

"Why not ? Because I am a girl ?"

"Precisely."

Well, that's it. Anger's back. I'll be damned if a bunch of men are going to tell me what to do. I'm a woman and I can kick any of their asses into next week if I wanted to. I knew that by now my face was beet red and I was scowling. I probably looked deformed. I didn't care. "So, my brother and my coward friends can go but I cannot. We will see about that."

I began devising a solid plan in my head. Unknown to me was that my coward friends were also devising a plan for themselves. They didn't want to go and they just had to figure out a way to stay right where they were.

A/N- I know, I know. I promised in this chapter that the ring would leave Rivendale and head...which direction was it again ? Oh, yeah, south. But I'm pressed for time here and I still have to write the final chapter of No Place Like Home. So I decided to load this. (Hides behind chair) Please don't throw anything at me. Next chapter will be up in a week or so since I'm writing this off of the top of my head. And I promise that the ring will go south and the chapter will be as long as I can make it which will be pretty long since I tend to be long winded. And always remember: Read and Review. Starving artist at work here. Needs reviews to eat.


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